


Sexy Costumes (in the Eyes of the Beholder)

by LunaStories



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Jokes/Sexual Jokes (Wade makes a lot of jokes and we love him okay), Crack, Established Relationship, Fic or Treat 2019, Flirting, Fluff, Halloween, Halloween Costumes/Sexy Halloween Costumes?, M/M, Memes, Prompt Fill, Sexy Mustard, because that's what halloween is all about, handmade costumes, things you'd never find sexy are sexy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 02:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21263897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStories/pseuds/LunaStories
Summary: Slutty Halloween Costumes. That's it, that's the entire fic.If it's any indication of the quality the fic starts with the sentence: “Oh honey, I need someone to smack me because ohhhh my ketchup is all thiccccc and won’t come out of my bottle.”I never said it would be good quality.





	Sexy Costumes (in the Eyes of the Beholder)

**Author's Note:**

> The last prompt fill! This was for Prompt 203: Slutty Halloween costumes. The dumber the better, Prompt 227: Sexy Mustard, and Prompt 228: Halloween is the night for sexy slutty costumes that you’d never find sexy. Anyways, here is Wade as a slutty shampoo bottle.  
P: Are you- Why is the bottle upside down?  
W: the nozzle is my dick ;)
> 
> Admittedly I wrote Prompt 228 but I don't think anyone's doing it so I incorporated it into this fic lmao. This was also A TRICK BECAUSE THIS FIC HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES. 
> 
> Thank you kindly to Bamf for organizing this super fun fic or treat event, and to DramamineOnTopOfMe for omega reading for me and helping with tags! I appreciate it <3

“Oh honey, I need someone to _smack_ me because ohhhh my ketchup is all thiccccc and won’t come out of my bottle.”

“Wade I swear to god when I said matching couple costumes I thought you meant something more normal-“

Wade stepped forward, muscles bulging in his admittedly high quality hand-made ketchup costume as he squished Peter’s cheeks, forcing his face into an cute pout. “You’re so adorable thinking we’d do anything normal.”

“Listen, I’d do many things for you but wearing this abomination is not one of them.” Peter crossed his arms, staring down at the….sexy mustard costume like it was going to come alive and bite him. “Literally why the fuck, Wade?”

“Shhhh sometimes you just want to be sexy condiments, and that time is now. Come on Petey, where’s your Halloween spirit!” Wade yelled, swinging around and allowing Peter a full view of his ass. Because yes, the costumes were bare at the ass. When asked why, Wade had replied that it was easier to smack the bottle there than anywhere else.

“…If I wear this then I get to choose which scary movies we watch later,” Peter finally relented, knowing that his dumbass boyfriend would likely whine and cry until he gave in.

Wade fist pumped and ran around the room, hooting all the while.

Once the costume was on, Peter shuddered, the apartment cold against his naked ass. The mustard costume was made to his exact measurements, and if he wasn’t so humiliated he would admire his boyfriend’s sewing skills.

“Okay it’s on, can I take it off now?”

“Sure!”

Peter squinted at Wade suspiciously. “That was a little too easy. What are you planning?”

“If you take it off then we can try these other ones.”

“What other- oh god.”

Peter had followed Wade to their room and laid on the bed were a multitude of costumes.

“We’re gonna be here all night aren’t we?” Peter sighed, tugging at the zipper of his ‘sexy mustard’ costume. Instead of a verbal answer, Wade smacked Peter’s ass with a chuckle and a squeeze.

He glared half-heartedly, his cheeks flushed with warmth. “Are you trying to…unclog my mustard?”

“Baby, I’m here to make you squirt,” Wade growled, his teeth sharp and white in the dim lighting of their apartment. Unfortunately, he leaned back just as Peter went in for a kiss. “But that’s for later. I want you to try on these other costumes as well.”

“What are they?” Peter asked warily, eyeing what seemed to be a…sexy succulent costume?

Wade’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “They say Halloween is all about dressing as slutty as you want without anyone judging you (trademark Mean Girls) and we are going to be fucking sexy.”

“Right, why do I even ask,” Peter grabbed the first one on top, and stared at it for a long moment. “Sexy…pencil costume?”

“No, that’s a sexy pen costume we’re not in the 1900s get with the times Petey. And yes, the tip is your dick, now put it on.”

Peter turned around and put on the costume rather reluctantly. He heard a rustle of fabric and when he turned back around it was to find Wade had also changed into one of the costumes.

Peter raised a brow as he took in what looked to be a sexy shampoo bottle costume.

“Are you- Why is the bottle upside down?”

Wade smirked and shot Peter a wink. “The nozzle is my dick.”

Peter flushed, a hand coming up to hide his mortified yet amused face. “And I’m guessing when you pump the nozzle-”

“Yup!” Wade replied with salacious wiggle of his hips. “So come on honey, I’m ready for you to get down and dirty.”

“I’m pretty sure that defeats the purpose of soap,” Peter muttered even as he moved closer.

Suffice to say, none of the costumes stayed clean that night.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the last of these dumb things. I hope ya'll enjoyed them! 
> 
> If you enjoyed it please do leave a comment!
> 
> As always, you can find my tumblr [here](http://lunastories.tumblr.com/). Feel free to drop by and say hi!


End file.
